take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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