She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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