We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
