I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
