Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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