at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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