I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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