we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
