Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize