so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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