ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
