He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
