Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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