the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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