I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
