I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
