you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
