that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
