I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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