Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
