drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
