Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
