how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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