i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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