I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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