It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize