I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Of course I have a pirate flag
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
