Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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