wat bout pragnant strippers??
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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