I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
