Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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