how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
