I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
