Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
