God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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