I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
