its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
