I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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