new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
