Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
