If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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