When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize