Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
