we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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