So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
