I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
