so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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