Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
