Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
