Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
