I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
