So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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