Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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