I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
did you just send me my own nude
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
