I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
