for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
