I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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