so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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