twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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