please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
