Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
