After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
