i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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