if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
50% drunk capacity currently
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
