I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
