Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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