she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
