Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
