I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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