i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
