JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
