I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
